i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
