GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Even my vagina gasped.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
