Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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