I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
