Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
