oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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