This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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