Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
