Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
