He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
