I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
