take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
