the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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