Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
