Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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