just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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