Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
