Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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