My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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