They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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