so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
