I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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