You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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