Sponge bath it is.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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