This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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