Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
