No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
