I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
