She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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