nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
