Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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