Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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