My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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