i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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