Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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