There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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