u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
