I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
