I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
