And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
