Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
