i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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