So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
