Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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