My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
