Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
