No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize