I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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