So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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