I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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