if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a search helicopter?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
