I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
