If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
